you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
