Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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