And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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