I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
