i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
