I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
