Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
