I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
