You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
