Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
