he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
