can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
