Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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