I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
