okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
