I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize