you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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