She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
