i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Couch. On fire.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
