After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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