I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
