Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
