She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
