he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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