Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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