I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
