Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
