I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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