anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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