defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
