Don't make out with my wife yet
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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