is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
