yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
