There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
