There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
