I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
