I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
