I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
