We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
