I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
