I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
