Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
