I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think people are normalizing furries
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
