Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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