Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
