All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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