i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
