evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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