i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
