direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
