Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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