and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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