How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
