Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
