Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
