One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize