using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
