On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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