Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
