Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
