For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
