using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
