You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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